New Segment :: storiesfromtheweekend

April 30th 2012


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When is it ok to steal other people’s beer at a house party? We all got taught that stealing is bad, right? And sometimes it seems like an eternity between those Blockbuster Video Shop pay checks and pay day. But we don’t do it, right? Right? Because stealing is bad.

But there comes a point at every house party when shit gets rowdy and all your beers are gone. At the beginning of the night I always put my Coopers Green in those black recycling tubs filled with icy water and politely drink my own beer. It’s always a nice surprise when I come back and find my little friends still swimming in arctic bliss. But what happens when all that sweet sweet beer is gone? Walking to the bottle shop sucks right? And drunk people don’t exactly have the social etiquette to care about your imported Asahi beers. So now it’s time to raid the ice tub!!!

storiesfromtheweekend regards alcohol at a house party as fair game. Think of it like this, as soon as your beer hits the ice tub you’ve offered it up to the House Party Gods. It’s like leaving fifty bucks on a park bench and walking away. This is not an excuse to do what my friend Tom does and walk around a house party casually nursing two six packs. Hanging incognito near the beer fridge counts as lurking too and is a punishable offense under the House Party Codes of Practice. People will think you’re a shameless drunk, or worse – a creep. The house party ice tub is communal property.

This Stealing is OK Rule depends on how many people are actually at the house party. If the ‘party’ is just a couple of impoverished arts students sharing a Guzman Burrito and discussing their assignment on Liberal feminism then please don’t swagger over to the fridge and down all their beer. Germaine Greer wouldn’t like it.

As a side note, remember eating other people’s food at a house party is still pretty socially taboo and should be avoided. I don’t care how hungry you are those Kraft Singles are for someone’s lunch on Monday. That’s what the kebab shop on the way home is for!!

Happy Stealing!!


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