ASK MAX :: Game of Thrones
July 23rd 2013
Game of Thrones. WTF?
In this life, there are some problems you can deal with on your own. This is not one of those problems. You did the right thing coming to me.
It seems like you’re really in over your head here and I’d like to start by assuring you that I feel you, dawg. Not in a weirdly touchy, ‘frisked-at-the-airport’ kind of way, mind you. This is more of a lovingly consensual, ‘good-morning-let’s-bang’ deal. You can’t spell “consensual” without s e n s u a l – can you Benno? (NB: Can you?)
Your concerns about the popular television serial murdering show phenomenon Game of Thrones are on point and also very valid. To be honest, I’m not really sure I understand it either, but let’s do our best to unpack it together:
The heart of the confusion obviously lies in the fact that this is by NO definition a game. AT ALL.
Very misleading. Not only are there ZERO thrones (of a person’s leg) Permanently injured; lame, but also there are serious Dragons and full frontal nudity and Peter Dinklage. None of which are mentioned in the title.
…Fuck. People’s lives are at stake here, Benno, and I think you need to take this more seriously. Did you see the one where all of the people died like Slayer reigning blood and the whole characters were RUINED? I didn’t, but by fuck the internet did.
Which brings me to my next (and best!) main point.
WHERE IS LEGOLAS?
I’ve seriously been waiting through three whole seasons of this shit for Orlando Bloom to rock up on a horse and bust a cap in so many asses. He was far and away the best part of those dross, boring Lord of the Flies films and this is more or less the same show, right? To be honest, if there’s anything that Game of Thrones does well, it’s to sacrifice any serious narrative progression or character development in favour of out-and-out gore and murder, so in reality it would actually make a lot of sense to see Tolkien’s coldest killer bad-boy back on the small screen.
So what are you gonna do about it? Huh? My opinion is that you should stop watching Game of Thrones immediately and never return to Pride Rock. I know this sounds a lot like the advice Scar gave Simba after Mufasa got jumped by those wildebeests (personally I still suspect a Jolly Swagman) but it’s cool man because my pop is very much alive and I NEVER let him go to the zoo.
If you’re open to suggestions, I’d say you should concentrate your viewing on something a little more wholesome. Go for a show where an obstacle faced translates to a lesson learned and a lesson learned is a valuable lesson about learning. Most importantly, you should choose a program where nobody ever dies in a horrific accident. Have you ever heard of Glee?
Don’t stop believin’,
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