Witness the Fitness #5 – Beyoncé Dance Class
December 1st 2014
#5: BEYONCÉ DANCE CLASS
In high school, there was this group of cool Eurasian girls who formed a dance troupe called Lil Angelz. They danced exclusively to Jagged Edge, all had older boyfriends who drove Skylines and when they performed would wear black, white or a mix of the two. I desperately wanted to be a Lil Angel, but just like Delta (so)Goodrem and many white girls before me, my dancing ability has always been stuck at level Elaine.
I’ve persevered, though. A few years ago a good 18-month period of my life was dedicated to being a “swing-dancer.” I managed to pass through that polka-dotted, pin-curled stage of my life without getting a swallow tattoo and at the same time somewhat upped my rhythmic ability. These days, with a few whiskeys in me, I can be seen throwing shapes all over Oxford St. But, if I’m honest with myself, I’m probably still not Lil Angelz material. Will any of us ever be?
My spiritual homeland, Goodgod Small Club, runs themed dance classes. Very recently I went to one which promised to teach me the routine to “Love on Top” by Beyoncé (they also promised the chance of winning drink tickets so you know, win win).
Going into it, I felt like it would make a great sketch for a John Safran show. Like when someone smites him early on in life and then he awkwardly confronts them 20 years later. I could go to this class and be really good at it and re-audition for Lil Angelz and everyone would love me. But it would probably end the same way the Safran’s skits do; with me going home, alone, to my parents’ house.
The girl who runs the class, Amrita, is very cute and bubbly. There are about 50 people – mostly girls, but it looks like about eight guys have shown up. They range from fabulously gay to a guy that looks like he has come directly from the most recent Rainbow Serpent festival. Also, three girls have opted to wear matching shirts that say, “Flawless”.
Amrita tells us that in this dance we will be both Beyoncé and backup dancer, which I think is a great analogy for life.
We start with a warm up that ends with us throwing our hand up in the air as a bit of a diva move. We finish this but I decide to do it one more time just to make sure I have it down pat. Amrita asks if I have a question and I have to let her, and the entire class, know that I was just having a Beyoncé moment. Everybody laughs; the class has a really fun and inviting vibe though, so I’m not phased.
As we get into it you can tell that everyone is channelling Queen B. Clicks of the hand are fierce. The step ball changes have flair. There’s a bit where you get to freestyle for a count of eight, which gives away a lot about everybody’s personal ‘Yoncé. Mine tends to grab at the microphone a lot.
We get through about half of the routine. If anything, I’m just enjoying listening to ‘Love on Top’ through the Goodgod speakers on repeat. Amrita breaks us up into two groups to do a bit of a dance battle for the drink cards. I’m pretty sure the girl next to me actually knew the dance off by heart before coming to the class, in a round-about way I respect that. I didn’t win a drink card, but boy did I dance my little heart out.
The class went for about an hour and a half and was well worth the $15. It was the most fun I had all week. Last thing I remember is our beautiful bodies grinding up in the club…
WHAT: Beyoncé Dance Class
WHERE: Goodgod Small Club – 53-55 Liverpool Street, Sydney
WHEN: Classes run every few months, keep an eye out.
HOW MUCH: $15 (classes sell out quickly – so book online!)
UPDATE: Amrita is running a fundraising Beyonce dance class for the Great Barrier Reef on Tuesday 16 December! ‘DANCE FOR THE REEF’ is on at Nest Creative Space – 298 Botany Road, Alexandria – $20 presale tickets here.
WITNESS THE FITNESS
As a city, Sydney is guilty of succumbing to fitness trends (#cleaneathing #greensmoothie #acaigojispirullinabowl). If there’s one thing that Healthy Harold taught us, it’s that 30 minutes of exercise a day is one of the things that you should do if you want to be a grown up or good human. So, as Harold sits dormant in his caravan, robotic parts probably worn out, Bindi Donnelly has risen from his ashes to be your athletic spirit animal…