Put down the bacon strips, Epic Meal Time; wash your mouth out, Anthony Bourdain; go and buy some goddamn shampoo, Mat the Token Alt Dude from Masterchef. The most brutally hardcore dude in any kitchen anywhere has arrived here in the intertubes to answer the eternal question: What Would Satan Cook? Jamie Oliver would cower before Vegan Black Metal Chef, as he slices tomatoes with his sacrificial dagger and arranges tofu into the Sign of the Ancients. Nearly fifteen minutes of unrelenting awesomeness, a dead-easy and delicious-looking Pad Thai recipe and no animals harmed (those studded arm gauntlets are rubber, comrades in darkness)? I'll headbang furiously to that.