It’s hard to know what to do after work sometimes, and now that offices are closing for the year there’s extra pressure to party on. Sure, you could troll around town checking out giant Xmas trees and singing tinny carols with tipsy septuagenarians, before ending up back at the RSL fighting over whether Bing Crosby or Gene Kelly was the best dancer… But luckily, we’re keeping our eyes out to bring you the best, brightest and usually cheapest stuff on the Sydney arts and culture scene.

So before you put out the cookies & sherry and resign yourself to the long wait for Santa, FBi’s culture guide has got you sorted…

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Tuesday 17th :: Lampoon the spirit of the season

Christmas is about greed, rampant consumerism and hating on the relo’s, right? It is for the Griswold family in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Once upon a time, Hollywood did feel-good Christmas movies that affirmed the spirit of the season and human spirit, but some time in the eighties they realised that shit catching fire, horrible relatives and fart gags are much funnier.

Golden Age Cinema offers up classic films for the same ticket price as when they were released. So take a trip back to 1989 and see the grandfather of films like Bad Santa and other Xmas train wrecks…

WHAT: National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation
WHERE: Golden Age Cinema and Bar, Paramount House, 80 Commonwealth St, Surry Hills
WHEN: 6.30pm
HOW MUCH: The Golden Age Price of $10.50

Wednesday 18th :: Parents left you home for Xmas?

It’s that time of year when the TV assault us with reruns of Xmas movies, and we watch them! Year after year!

This year however, Goodgod Small Club is challenging you to use some of that useless information and challenge yourself with their Home Alone Trivia! Do you remember the weird polka playing cameo? Perhaps you’re an expert on all the ways Macaulay Culkin tortures the Wet Bandits? Whatever your specialty, you should get along and test your festive knowledge…

WHAT: Goodgod Home Alone Trivia
WHERE: Front Bar, Goodgod Small Club, 55 Liverpool St Chinatown
WHEN: 8pm
HOW MUCH: Free

Thursday 19th :: Get your last minute Xmas shopping on…

Trying to avoid socks and hankies this year? Start the holiday season the right way by buying handmade, locally sourced, specialty gifts at Paddington Markets. With no fast-food chain stores, or angry, harassed parents dragging kids around this is surely a better option than your local, generic shopping mall. Plus there’s music and drinks so it’s worth it even if you’ve got the pressies sorted.

WHAT: Paddington Xmas Night Markets
WHERE: 395 Oxford St, Paddington
WHEN: 4pm -9.30pm
HOW MUCH: Free

Friday 20th :: Forget Carols, this is Comedy by Candlelight

This Christmas, give the gift of laughter! Or perhaps, at the very least you can escape the misery of shopping and relatives and have a laugh yourself. The Happy Endings Comedy Club want to make you smile and they don’t give a f*#k if you’ve been naughty or nice! Including performances by Cam Knight, Dave Smiedt, Chris Wainhouse, Gary Eck, Amanda Gray, Dave Williams, Dave Eastgate, Simon Kennedy, Ben Darsow, Jeremy Keast, Ray Badran, Dave Jory, Chris Radburn, Darren Sanders, Bruce Griffiths.

WHAT: Comedy by Candlelight Sessions 
WHERE: El Rocco Room, 154 Brougham St, Kings Cross
WHEN: Shows at 7.30pm & 9.00pm
HOW MUCH: $25 + bf from Eventbrite

Saturday 21st :: Polaroids of Xmasroids Circle Jerk

Who says you have to wait till NYE for another festival?! The gang from Shambles, Polaroids of Androids and Circle Jerk have combined their mighty powers to present a mini festival unlike any other… Featuring Peabody, SPOD and The Naughty Rappers Collective, Palms, Infinite Void, Bare Grillz, You Beauty, Making, Sadfaces, Weak Boys, Milkk and Power Moves.

So come and celebrate the death of Santa. With bands!

WHAT: A Polaroids Of Xmasroids Circle Jerk
WHERE: Petersham Bowling Club, 77 Brighton St, Petersham
WHEN: 2pm to Quarter Past “Get off the bowling green ya drunks”
HOW MUCH: $15 + bf here

Don’t forget to tune in to Arvos on FBi for more Culture Guide– each weekday at 4:30pm