So sculpture’s not really your thing.

You can’t see the deeper meaning in a chunk of rock. You think that big rubber duck and those giant snails are just bath toys on crack. When you think sculpture, you think of that bronze pig in the city with shiny balls.

Well get off ya bum and go to the beach, because it’s fricken pretty over there and there’s a big shiny ball that will make that pig look like it’s stuck in a cold, lonely place.

Horizon, Lucy Humphrey

Yet again, that stretch of beach from Bondi beach to Tamarama has been filled with sculptures made with love by 106 different artists and shipped to our lovable city from 14 countries. There’s something about taking these sculptures out of a museum and sitting out in the open by the sea that really rocks.

There’s also something pretty special about a skeleton riding a bicycle up a plank of wood over a cliff.

There’s many a slip by Ken Unsworth

If you really want to be the expert, you can buy a catalogue while you’re there or join a tactile tour. OR you can make your own mind up about what the artist is trying to tell you. Like this one, which is obviously a warning about the perils of canoodling with a one-legged man. 

‘Goodnight Uncle John’ by Eko Bambang Wisnu & Ida Lawrence

The winning sculpture gets a sweet cheque of $60,000. Just so you can point it out to your mates when you’re there, here it is.  Stephen King made it so you know you’re in for something thrilling*.

Fallout, Stephen King

Here’s a crazy idea… Get there at 6am. You won’t get the shits with people traffic, tourists and those fit Bondi types*. It will be so exciting getting up that early that it will feel like a holiday. You could even sleep with your clothes on. You’ll see the sunrise hit the upside down horizon through the big shiny ball and even if you’re still unconvinced about sculpture, you can’t deny it’s pretty awesome.

Diminish and Ascend by David McCracken

WHAT :: Sculpture by the Sea 2013
WHERE :: Bondi to Tamarama
WHEN :: On now until 10th November
HOW MUCH :: Free, mofos

*Stephen King is a well-established sculptor who lives in Walcha. As far as we know he hasn’t written a horror novel. That’s some other guy.
**The fit Bondi types are there at all hours. They’re unavoidable. Sorry.