There Will Be Beer :: Tio’s Cervecaria

October 11th 2012

There Will Be Beer: A Guide to Sydney’s Pubs & Bars for Cheapskates and Drunkards

I have a confession to make. This review is going to be dull. I know that it’s not something I should admit, but it’s true.

And do you know why? It’s because the bar does everything right.

I’ve been to Tio’s a dozen times now. The bartenders are slick with the drinks and service, the drinks themselves are varied and delicious (and most importantly, fairly priced!), the music is great… The bar is the ideal of what a small bar should be.

Beyond that, what is there to say?

Seriously, Tio’s gave me nothing to work with. No crusty old characters clinging for dear life to a three legged bar stool, telling stories about street gangs of retirees looking to rumble; no one pinching my cigarettes and trying to sell them back to me; nor the entertainment of the eternal struggle of drunkard versus gravity. In essence, none of the bar elements no one likes drinking with.

Great, you say.

And it is. But what about me?

No one ever thinks about the poor reviewer, forced to write up the same old lines about how great a place is. Tio’s hasn’t even been open all that long and yet the Mexican wave of reviews, all giving the place the thumbs up, doesn’t seem to end.

Tio’s definitely deserves the praise, but it’s made reviewing the place a tedious exercise (albeit a pleasantly tedious one).

Yeah, sure, they have a long list of interesting and tasty cocktails. And yes, a plethora of excellent tequila lines the bar wall. And yes, they do make one of my all time favourite drinks, the michelada, for the mere price of $5 (also the price of a tinnie of Rio Grande). They even give you a side of spicy popcorn, encased in either a brown paper bag or the worst piñata ever made, free alongside your drink.

But all those wonderful facts could be summed up in a two word review: Great Bar.

Job done, now I can go back to Tio’s for a drink.

That’s the problem I had with this bar, it’s too damn good. The only thing I could gripe about (and I will, if only to give the haters something to hate), is that come 8:30pm, the hipsters descend on the bar like a host of bandits upon a defenceless town.

But who gives a shit about hipsters in the end, right?

I mean, a bar that’s fairly priced with a good atmosphere and great drinks is bound to draw a crowd, and surely we’d rather deal with hipsters then bar-flies… well, I suppose they both have their drawbacks.

Now, I don’t want anyone to walk away from this review with a bad impression of Tio’s. You should definitely have a drink or two there. Shit, I’m hooked on the place.

I just want to warn any future reviewers and critics:
Enjoy Tio’s, but spare it another positive review.

The poor thing is drowning in success.



Tio’s Cervecaria
4-14 Foster Street, Surry Hills
From 4pm
Free Spicy Popcorn


Thirsty for more? Join Daniel Prior for more Sydney libation adventures here.


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