A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… they would probably have wet their little Jedi pants if they knew what was going down in Newtown.

“My father’s coming out to dance, and he is one sexy lady“, Luke Skywalker says amid confessions about creeping on his sister, one of the beautiful women dancing themselves out of inspired costumes.

In the intimate, gothic elegance of Newtown’s The Vanguard, what you’d expect to be a sci-fi convention-going nerd’s wildest fantasy has turned out to be the velvet-draped dream of many.

I can’t decide whether the highlight is the three bangin’ Storm Troopers blasting their plastic guns into the audience, or the titillating tango of a near-naked man and a hairy wookie.

Just when it seems impossible for this night to get any better, Skywalker informs the audience that their dreams can come true. We can finally fill whatever void we have in our lives with our very own copy of Wookie-erotica. Yep, there’s a Star Wars themed, 1970s playboy-style mag for sale with the merch.

You don’t have to be a fan of the Star Wars phenomenon to appreciate the art that is The Empire Strips Back – I’ve never even seen one of the films (culturally deprived, I know) but I bought the T-shirt and I will wear it, and remove it, with pride.

The show runs for the next 10 days and will be the only Sydney show for the year, so head online to get tickets and let yourself be penetrated by the Force (in a totally visual sense).

What: Star Wars Burlesque: The Empire Strips Back

When: Now until Thursday 18^th May

How much: $43.80 online or at the door (be quick, some nights have already sold out)

Where: The Vanguard, 45 King St Newtown