Even the most humble and down to earth comic, at some point, dreams of the ultimate gig – the one that would tick all the boxes, and be worthy of all the hard work, bad gigs, little pay and crippling self-doubt they’d encounter along the way.

The Laugh Stand asked four rising comics about their ‘dream gig’.

Andrew Wolfe

What would be your dream gig?

Outdoors; 8-12 peeps MAX!!

Where would your dream gig be?

Would definitely involve me yelling from the back of a speeding ute (face covered with a blanket).

How would you “get in the zone” for the gig?

Smaller vehicles for “trial shows” – might even hire a “Go Gets” and get someone to drive me about.

Which joke would you want to get a standing ovation?

“Did someone order a pizza? Because I don’t f%*ken have one!!!” **speed off waving cape / blanket**

Follow @alone_wolfe on Twitter

Emma Zammit

What would be your dream gig?

To make an audience pee themselves with laughter at the New York Comedy Club.

What would be your backstage demands, or ‘rider’, at the gig?

Pimentos hand picked out of green olives in a bowl so I can stuff my own olives – Puppies – Nair hair removal cream

How would you like to be paid for the gig?

A small apartment on New York’s Upper West Side. What?……I said SMALL….jeez.

Follow @emmajzammit on Twitter

Suren Jayemanne

What would be your dream gig?

My dream gig would be where I perform and then, after the gig, a comedy legend like Larry David, Louis CK, Seinfeld or Demetri Martin comes up to me and says “hey man, nice set”.

Which joke would you get a standing ovation to?

I do this one pun, which I guess is a bit of a guilty pleasure, but it’s pretty ridiculous. Anyway, the best way to describe it, to quote a punter, is that it’s “so bad, man, soooo bad. So bad, but so good!”

What would be your backstage demands or ‘rider’ at the gig?

Is it lame to just say some of those mini sausage rolls? *At the time of writing this, Suren had not eaten lunch*.

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Alexei Toliolopoulos

Where would your dream gig be?

I think my dream gig would be in some sort of haunted mansion. I’ve always wanted to meet a ghost and I think my unique take on life might get a couple of ghouls to waft on over.

Who would be at your dream gig? (living, dead, famous, people in your life, whatever you like).

The ghost of somebody with an old timey profession (eg. Lighthouse Attendant, Moustache Barber, Author).

Which other comedians or any type of act would you like to share the stage with at the gig?

Not so much a comedian but my dream opening act would be the full feature length film “Ghosts Of Girlfriends Past”. My target demographic would really get into it.

Follow @ThisisAlexei on Twitter

WHAT :: The Laugh Stand 
WHERE :: FBi Social, Level 3, Kings Cross Hotel
WHEN :: Thursday 21st August, 8pm
HOW MUCH :: $15 ($10 for FBi Supporters!) from Fatsoma