Are you sitting comfortably? Well I’m afraid that just won’t do.

Have you inhaled 8 Red Bulls and decided to oust your anger on the nearest law-abiding citizen for no other reason than to satisfy that little devil on your shoulder?

Ah good then, let’s begin.

The blockbuster of video games is here in the gun-slinging, satire-loving, button-pushing (both physically and morally) heir to sandbox royalty franchise known as Grand Theft Auto.

Spin-offs aside, this is the Vth (that’s 5th in old Italian) instalment of GTA. Instead of resting on their piles of money, Rockstar decided to collect their previous winnings and invest $300 million into their flagship, and I’m pleased to say you really can see where the money has gone.

The depth of this game can be likened to that of the Mariana trench (you may want to Google that). Geography lesson aside, every aspect of this game has been carefully thought out to the point where I think Rain Man would have a problem finding an issue.

The world looks stunning. Every location suits the setting and there’s thought-out detail everywhere you look (as well as everywhere you haven’t). Even in stressful times, there’s a certain serenity and beauty in the chaos. It’s a ‘have your cake and eat it too, oh wait here’s another cake; you know what just sit tight we’ll keep bringing you different cakes’ situation.

Which brings us to the protagonist(s). Not one, but three characters to take control of – each with their own special ability and interwoven storyline. 

Confused? Don’t be. The script makes it so easy to follow. I just don’t want to spoil anything on the off-chance that mothers the world over are right, and playing GTA does in fact make people more violent.

There’s Franklin, the cliché gangster just trying to make some paper (his words not mine), who then becomes less cliché as the game develops.

Michael, the retired criminal who’s family can’t stand him, and in a show of good faith to the gamer, gets back in the game for your benefit (what a nice fellow).

And Trevor, a crass hillbilly with the ability to make baby Jesus cry, yet could quite honestly be one of my favourite characters of any game ever.

The beauty is, you get bored of one character, then just switch seamlessly between them at any time.

To be honest, I could go on for hours about all the little moments that make GTA V just brilliant, but I’ll leave you with two memories in particular.

The first is jumping out of a plane, just as Elton John’s ‘Saturday Night’ came on the in-game radio, jumping into another plane in mid-air, only to hear the same song playing.

The second was the first round of golf I played where I could actually drive the golf cart to my next shot. I’m not sure why, but something as simple as that has never been implemented before, not even in a golf game.

That’s the level of detail we’re talking about here. Not only will you be able to follow the story, but Rockstar have made it so you can go off and make your own stories as well.

… Wait, I can’t end it on that note, it’s way too sentimental for GTA.

ENJOY IT BITCHESSS, I’M OUT TO SMOKE SOME … okay let’s stop it there.

Available now for Xbox 360 and PS3.

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